Back to the Hospital

      Matt brought the boys down this past weekend and we celebrated Jack's birthday.  I can't believe he is four!!! I remember how much he cried when he was delivered, he screamed from the moment he came out until the moment we were reunited in my recovery room.  I had a c-section, so while I remained getting sewn up and such Matt went with Jack to the nursery to be with him while he was weighed, bathed and so forth...he screamed the whole time! Not cried, no, no, screamed, but once he was back in my arms he settled down.  Now he is a vivacious four year old who while running through the house will, every so often, stop out of no where to give me a kiss!  I am so grateful for his sweet spirit.
       Reminiscing on the past four years I can't help but wonder what the next four years...four weeks.... four babies will be like. I think our world has already been changed dramatically??? ha! We need to buckle up and get ready for this ride.
        On Tuesday I went back into labor and delivery triage with intense contractions.  I was given fluids and meds to try and stop them; unfortunately, hours later of the contractions continuing to come every three to five minutes, my doctor decides to admit me and put me on 24 hours of magnesium. I had not dialated, but with how often and intense the contractions were, he wanted to stop them before they caused me to dilate or one of my waters to break. I had to have a contraction monitor on, plus each baby had to have a monitor on.  My uterus is already stretched to max, and very tender from the contractions, and trying to keep four babies on monitors is nearly impossible. Every few minutes I had a nurse on each side trying to push down and maneuver the monitor to better pick up the baby.  My patience was thinning, and my temperature(metaphorically speaking) was rising.  Being on mag is a slow boiling of your insides! I feel it most in my eyes. If you have every had a candy fireball, you know that once the first bit of sugar/cinnamon coating is off, that's when the real heat kicks in...that is what my eyeballs felt like.  I started sweating, and I got very nauseous. Magnesium also makes your muscles loose, so I had to, despite my protest, have a catheter put it.  I let my nurse know that I had to go to the bathroom and assured her that I could walk the 5 feet to it, but she would not budge on the rules.  So she and another nurse got me set for my catheter, and of course my bladder was so full that when the catheter was attached urine sprayed everywhere!!!  I was pissed...in more ways than one! Now my insides were boiling from the magnesium and my emotions were boiling from circumstance.  I started breathing very loudly with my hands over my face, trying not to loose it on these poor nurses who were scrambling to get me cleaned up. Afterward, they were right back on my belly trying to get the monitors to stay on the babies, and boom, intense contraction.  Having a contraction is bad enough, having a contraction with someone pushing down on your uterus is torture.  She kept apologizing, but said she had to get the babies back on.  The other nurse kept trying to talk to me, "tell me what's going on, breathe, you gotta talk to me." I was using everything I had to be able to breathe...I didn't feel like chatting!  As the contraction let go, the night doctor and medical student came into the room and said "ok, it's time to check your cervix!"  That was it...my breaking point, I was done!  I started bawling, I mean snot and tears bawling.  That poor medical student just stared at me with wide eyes.  The doctor sat on the end of my bed and asked what was wrong.  I muttered through my sobs  "there's  no way anything else can go inside of me... there is too much pressure...I can't do this..." She then said that we should just take everything off, and give me a minute to myself.  I said "can(sob sob sob) it be (snorting back of snot) 20(labored breathing) minutes? She said no problem, got me a cold rag for my head and then asked if I needed some anti-anxiety medication.  I told her no, I just needed some time.  The doc and student left and the nurses got to work unhooking all the monitors. Then one nurse decided to give me a big hug and tell me that God gave me these babies and He would get me through this.  I so appreciated her kindness, but in that particular moment, I just wanted everything off of me.  She said "you see a hug only works if you hug back"  I started crying again and said thank you...but I'm not much of a hugger. She did not take that as an excuse and continued to hug me until I hugged back.  Praise Jesus, He took over that moment and allowed me to hug her and thank her, because the Julie in me wanted to jump out that bed and b-line it out of the room, I was so overwhelmed and feeling smothered. After everyone had left and everything was off of my belly, I continued to cry for a few minutes and prayed for God to give me His strength because I had none left.  My breathing returned to normal and I was able to calm down.  Thankfully I had scored one of the last fans on the L&D floor and had the nurses turn it up before they left.  30 minutes later the nurses returned and asked if it was ok for the doctor to come in and check me.  I agreed, but asked that they wait to put the monitors back on after I got checked, pressure from the inside and the outside just didn't sound like a good idea.  I was checked and still had not dilated. I asked the doctor if we could alternate two babies on, two babies off, my uterus just couldn't handle the outside pressure on it.  Thankfully she agreed, which was great news for my nurses, because they no longer would have to spend their whole night holding and adjusting monitors.  The contraction monitor had to stay on at all times, and we would alternate having A & D and B&C monitored every hour.  That combination was chosen because they are on opposite sides, which reduces the likely hood that the monitors would be picking up the same baby.
           I don't know if it was the magnesium or all the emotions, but I was feeling very nauseous.  I was given some anti-nausea medicine but an hour or so later, I started having that "I'm trying really hard not to have to vomit, but it will be inevitable" feeling.  I let my nurse know and she was able to get me another anti-nausea medicine.  Not two minutes later, I was throwing up.  I had this little bag-in-cup- thing the nurse had set beside my bed, and good thing because I nearly filled that bag up.  As much as I hated being on a clear liquid diet, at that moment I was very grateful!  I felt better afterward, unbelievably exhausted...but better.  That night I was able to sleep about 20 minutes of every hour.  The nurses would come in at the top of the hour to switch to the next set of babies, it would take 10-20 minutes to get the babies on, and I would often have a contraction when my uterus was disturbed.  By the time I was able to fall asleep it was time to switch again.
           I was on the magnesium for 18 hours and although it did not completely knock out the contractions, I went from having a contractions every three minutes to only 1 or 2 every hour(and those seemed to occur when my uterus was disturbed).  It wasn't even a full hour after I was taken off the mag that the contractions started back.  I had been put back on procardia(helps relax the uterus and slow contractions) when I was taken off the mag.  Even on the procardia the time between the contractions was shortening, but I had just been told I could eat, and I wanted to eat so badly.  I am always hungry and love food, even when I'm not pregnant, but being pregnant and pregnant with multiples, one can only go so long without food!  The babies were becoming restless as well.  My nurse had been watching my contraction monitor from her screen outside my room and came in.  I pleaded with her to wait until after I ate before she let the docs know my contractions were picking up. She said she would do her best.  My cousin's friend was in route bringing me lunch.  She arrived shortly after and I ate my half sandwich and soup and enjoyed it as if it were my last meal.  She also brought me a huge slice of chocolate cake!  Just as I was about to dive into the chocolatey goodness the doctor walked in.  I froze with cake on fork mid way to my mouth.  She smiled and told me to go ahead! Since I hadn't dilated they were not going to put me back on the mag but were going to add in Tordol(high dose liquid iv IB Profen), which would help in relaxing the uterus and with the pain.  Only downfall is you can't be on it long, because it will affect the fluid around the babies.  The contractions never stopped, but calmed in intensity and frequency.
           Thursday morning I continued on with the monitoring but was taken off the Tordol.  I was

Baby C
(the only one willing to reveal his face for a 3-D shot)

wheeled down to ultra sound with the plan that if I still had not dilated and babies all looked good(good cord blood flow, were breathing and moving, and showed good fluid) I would be allowed to go back to the RMH(Ronald McDonald House).  Ultra sound went well, but the babies had to have one more NST(non-stress test) done, two at a time, for 30 minutes, before I would be released.  Baby A & D passed with flying colors, but B & C were not being cooperative.  They kept moving off the monitor and Baby C showed a few decelerations. When the doctor looked at their results she ordered that baby C be monitored for an additional 20min and if no decel showed, I could go.  Thankfully he passed!  I finally got back to the RMH around 4pm. I immediately took a shower and a nap!
     
         This whole experience is often surreal and presents many questions.  I am the only advocate for my babies and I try and ask as many questions as possible. Here is what I know:
     - there is no set delivery date(my doctor will let me keep going as long as babies and I are not in danger)
     - my doctor does not anticipate me making it to 32 weeks and will consider 30 weeks to be a home run!  that being said, again he will not choose to deliver me at 30 weeks if everything is going well.
     - areas of concern as the pregnancy progresses are contractions(that lead to dilation and or water breaking) and my blood pressure, pre-eclampsia is common in multiples and very serious as it can lead to a stroke.
     - I am to continue with my weekly ultra sound and doctor's appointment, but if I have contractions like I did Tuesday, or if my water were to break, I go back to the hospital.
     - I am 28 weeks tomorrow and that is a huge milestone for babies!!! every day counts, but 30 weeks is my next goal!

Thank you for your continued support and prayers!

Carrying Grand Multiples is...

     Reflecting back on the week, it feels like more than five days have passed since I have last sat down to write.  26 weeks decided to be a week of big change, I hit a growth spurt, I am assuming that means the babies are now bigger as well; however, I will not find out their weights until this Friday.  We also had our story appear on WSB new's(in ATL)website and Facebook page.  I now understand why celebrities never read about themselves online or in magazines, granted I am not in any shape, way, or form declaring myself a "celebrity," but just from one simple article, that wasn't even broadcast on television, I received a flood of both positive and negative comments from people.  It was interesting on the Facebook feed to sit and watch people have comment wars.  I have and always will give the glory to God, for He is the author of life.  Yes, we received help from doctors, I have never tried to hide that.  So it was interesting when people would comment things like "It's not God...it's called science"  or "I don't know why she's surprised she got multiples with being artificially inseminated, everyone knows you get multiples with that."
 Then believers would argue right back quoting scripture or saying "it's God who gave the scientists their brains to use."  Reading through the comments was a blessing and a curse.  I found myself smiling and then I found times where my face would get hot and I was growing angry. The one comment that lit me up was a man saying "wow, that will be one expensive abortion!"  I just couldn't believe his nerve, I anticipated the battle of believing publicly, God has been preparing my heart for it; after all,  I am called to spread His word and live according to His purpose and scripture is clear that "believing publicly" often leads to persecution.  ~~~I have to interrupt myself here and say how grateful I am that the "persecution" I face is on a surface level.  There are men and women all over the world sharing the gospel of Christ and endangering or losing their lives because of it. They are the true "celebrities" that we should seek to model because Christ is the ultimate "celebrity" through time.  That is not an opinion, that is straight up fact! ~~~~ It was the abortion comment however, that I wasn't prepared for, and the thought of ending these babies made me turn from anger to nausea.  That man needs some Jesus!  I "liked" the comments that were positive and didn't comment on any of the negative...although, I wanted to comment "thank you to those who are sending well wishes and prayers for our family, the world is a better place when people show kindness to others.  For those who do not believe what I do, that is ok, and for those who are "all about the science" you are clearly intelligent enough not to ignore the math! I had a 15% chance to get one baby and I got four!"
        The rest of the week ticked by like normal, Matt brought the boys down Friday, which always makes me feel better! We don't do much when they are here, but the time is precious to me anyway! We did make our way to Target to pick up a few things, I of course drove the motorized cart and Matt had a regular buggy. I am amazed at how many a "few things" at Target turns out to be.  We are in unique period of our lives right now and for all intents and purposes are functioning out of two homes! The bigger and further along I get, the more time I spend in my room with my feet up, which means, although the RMH offers guests all their necessities, for convience sake, we have purchased an extra shelving unit, groceries, and other house hold items to keep in my room.  We will be donating the shelving unit and house hold items back to the house once we are home. I think Matt likes to reorganize my room every time he is here, it gives him something to do!
     This Valentine's day was definitely different.  My valentine brought me chocolate covered strawberries(my fave) and that is actually pretty standard for Valentine's day, but we tried to go to dinner at 5pm as a family and OH MY, I guess there is only one strip of road in Augusta that has restaurants on it, because everywhere was packed...stupid packed! Like brand new restaurant opening packed! So we sat in the parking lot and ordered ToGo!  Good thing the boys were able to watch a movie while we sat, because we waited for an hour and 15minutes.  By the time we got back to the house to eat, we enjoyed our cold food together as a family, and that's all that mattered to me! Although it did help to finish the meal with chocolate covered strawberries!
      I woke up Sunday having some contractions, not baby producing contractions, but just enough to be very annoying and uncomfortable.  Plus now that my belly is bigger, when I sit straight, it rests on my lap!  I hate that feeling!  Anyway, we hang out for the day and the boys headed home before 2pm.  Matt told me to take it easy, he could tell I was battling with contractions, but I wasn't about to let that interrupt my family time!  Around 2:30pm, I was lying on my bed and I was finding it hard to breathe. Not hard enough to cause panic, but I was struggling enough to warrant my attention.  I decided to monitor my bp every 15min for an hour.  All the results were high for me so I called my doctor.  I told him the results are very high for me pre-pregnancy, but I wasn't sure for quad pregnancy.  He said for carrying "grand multiples" an elevated bp is expected, but it was just high enough that he wanted me to go into L&D(labor and delivery) to get monitored and some fluids.  For the first time yet, the nurse was able to get all four babies on a monitor, plus my contraction monitor.  As a result, I had 5 monitors and 9 bands on my belly.  We had to use extra bands to tilt or adjust certain monitors to maintain the babies' heart rate.  My blood pressure was stable while I was in the hospital, but I was still having contractions, some of which were very intense! Several hours later I was stable enough to go back to the house.  I am now taking Procardia 4 times a day to keep my contractions under control and as a side effect, it also lowers bp! Two birds, one stone!  When I went in for my appointment the  Friday previous, my doctor was telling me that he was surprised I hadn't been back in the hospital.  He went on to explain that with grand multiples woman typically are in and out of the hospital frequently as the pregnancy progresses.  He said now it's a race between pre-eclampsia and pre-term labor, one will inevitably win out and cause me to deliver.  In the meantime I will remain here on my bed deciphering which symptoms are "call" worthy.  I have my doctor's cell number and the number to L&D, both of which have told me to call for any reason.  And they have both told me that they expect me to be back multiple times before I deliver.  I really just like getting IV's, wearing  hospital gowns, getting cervical checks, and having goo and monitors placed all over my belly! ;)

Kindness and Questions

          I am becoming increasingly more aware of other's interest and/or fascination in these four little babies.  I have been here at the Ronald McDonald House for exactly one week, and today when I went downstairs I was greeted warmly and then told I had mail....whaaaaat?  I had mail?  Three different letters filled with sweet sentiments and prayers for me, my family, the doctors treating me and the babies.  I am still so amazed at the kindness of others.  I have always been joyful, a lover of life and people, and just...happy, but as I grew older and experienced more of what the world had to offer in sadness, disappointments, loss, etc. I became a bit cynical, guarded and cautious.  I truly feel God is using this journey to show me the love that is still in this world along with the hope, joy, and comfort that others can offer.
         I can't even begin to express my gratitude for the letters, books, lotions, cards, candies, gas and grocery gift cards, baby outfits, cozy socks for me, and donations that people have sent.and I often

blessing/prayer tree

feel very alone (odd seeing as how I am carrying four babies) until I look at those reminders of how I am not alone! People all over the country and beyond are rooting for these babies! and lifting up our family in prayer.  It is bringing me to tears as I type, because I feel so very blessed to get to experience this unique demonstration of love and support!
        I need those reminders for this emotional roller coaster I am on.  Last night I cried for my husband and how he has been thrust into a single parent position, still having to run his business and worry about his wife and four unborn children, who are far away. And of course these past two weeks, our boys have been passing back and forth the stomach virus and strep throat! Causing him to have to stay home from work.  His partners have been very supportive, but my sweet husband truly cares about his company, the people who work there, and the customers that he works with.  He knows they all "understand" but he still doesn't want to let anyone down.  I can relate, because I feel the same way over my company, and I don't know what I would do without my amazing team.  At the salon on Tuesday we had a Redken educator in teaching the staff about the new lines coming out, the educator later emailed me about how impressed she was at the teamwork and leadership my staff exemplified, and how truly lovely they all are!  What a compliment! I am always thankful when our guests compliment our stylist on how much they love their new hair cut or color, but when people compliment their character...it warms my heart!
     
        Subject #2 I thought I would take the time to answer some of the questions that are most frequently asked. Some might sound silly, but I kid you not, all questions that I am including have been asked at least 5 separate times!
                                                              ~quick side bar~
       I always thought FAQ's stood for facts, until one day at work I was navigating a website with my right hand, Shari and we were trying to find out the answer to a question we had.  She told me to check the frequently asked questions tab.  I said that would be so helpful, but I don't see it.  She was standing behind me and said it's there in the upper right hand corner.  To which I replied "all I see is Contact Us, Home, and the "Facts""   She laughed and explained what the FAQ's stood for!
                                                             ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FAQ's:
   1)  Do quads run in your family?   No! I am not a geneticist, but I am fairly sure that quads don't run in any family!  I have answered a few times that "well, my mom's mom was a twin and my dad is a twin..."  and then they respond "oh, that explains it."  I just smile!

   2) When I say "quads" I get:  "no way!!! three babies??!!"  to which I respond "actually there are four in there!" ;)

   3) Are they identical?  Nope, all fraternal! that means four separate eggs were fertilized, no eggs split!  This means that they will not look exactly alike, they will look like brothers and sister, not the same.

   4) Did you do IVF?  Nope! I have PCOS(poly cystic ovarian syndrome), I suffered a miscarriage in January of 2013, and after not being able to get pregnant and having extremely long and heavy periods, my doctor suggested trying a round of Clomid(helps to produce healthy eggs) and IUI(inner uterine insemination). No fertilized eggs were placed in my uterus.  My husbands sperm was placed closer to my cervix, IUI is simply a head start!

   5) Can you tell which baby is which?  yes...sometimes!  they form a cross, baby A lays butt down on my cervix, so if I feel movement down low, I know it's him.  Baby B(our girl) lays with her head to the right of my belly button. Baby D lays back to back with Baby B and across the top of my belly. Baby C occupies the whole left side, he is head down and his feet come up to meet baby D.  They all have parts that meet around my belly button, so movement in that area is hard to distinguish; however, if movement is on one of the outskirts of the cross, I know which baby it is!
 
   6) Are you having a natural vaginal birth?  NNNNNOOOOOOOO!! that sounds horrifying!  there are several reasons why not:  1)all four babies would have to be head down.
2) I have had two previous c-sections and to try and have a vaginal birth after that is dangerous.
3) just the thought makes me cross my legs!
4) there are many complications that can occur with delivering grand multiples and a c-section is the fastest, safest way to get the babies out.

   7) Will you get to have the babies each lay on your chest before they are taken to the NICU?  sadly, NO.  If they are stable enough, they will be wheeled by me, in their isolates, long enough for me to see them.  They will then be wheeled into the hall for my boys to be able to see and family to get a few pictures before they are taken to the NICU.  I pray the babies will be stable enough, because this will be the only time Campbell and Jack will be able to see their siblings until the babies come home :(  

   8) Do you want to have more children?  NOPE!!!!!  I have asked for my tubes to be tied, burned, removed...whatever it takes!

   9) How long will the babies be in the NICU?  Typically, preemies are released around their 40 week due date(where they are full term), that is May 22nd.

  10)  How are you going to handle four?   That is a great question!  and Matt and I still don't have a great answer!  We will do our best!  we will have good days and we will have really hard days, but we will do our best!  I don't think it is possible to be prepared to double a family of four.  It is overwhelming to think about the logistics of it all, the time, schedules, finances! We will struggle, we are not under the illusion that this will be easy, but when we were asked to reduce, to eliminate the lives of two or three of our babies, we said no!  We trusted God to provide then, and we are going to trust Him to provide now!



 
   
       

I Think I Can...I Think I Can

Boys came to visit

 

when boys went home

      This past Friday I went back into Labor and Delivery because I was having contractions.  I was on Magnesium for 13hours(actually a good thing, it was supposed to be 24 hours), I had(and still do) a horrible cough and because my stomach is stretched to the max I pulled , what used to be, my oblique muscle!  Every time I would cough I try and get into a ball(the best I could with my large belly) so my muscle pain didn't hurt so bad. If I was standing, I would end up in a sumo wrestler position holding my side.  When I would hit a coughing spell my contractions would spike, but the Mag and 5 other medications combined were able to calm my contractions and help with my cough.  No worries, the babies all look great!  When I would have a coughing then contraction spell, they would move all around pushing back on their house that's walls were caving in!  Thankfully my Aunt was visiting that day and she, by her own admission, is "persistent yet kind".  So she made sure to find a nurse when it was time for my medication, or when the babies heart tones were supposed to be checked.  She stood over my bed fanning me with a coloring book and feeding me ice chips while I was boiling from the inside out, due to the Magnesium.  The nurses weren't even bothered by her because she was so kind about how she went about it all.  The boys came to visit Saturday and helped lift my spirits.

Our nightly Skype session.
Lucy heard me  and wanted in on the action!

              The hardest part about this whole pregnancy has not been the physical discomfort or the crazy hospital drama, it has been being away from my family. I don't know what I would do without the weekend visits and the evening Skype sessions.  They keep asking me when I'm coming home.  I know it is hard for them to understand the timing of everything...to be honest it is hard for me to understand.  Lying here day after day, I get lonely and frustrated!  I could be doing this from home, I could kiss my boys good night, I could get a hug and kiss from my hubs when he gets home, I could see my fur babies... all the little things I didn't realize I needed to function properly!  I find myself missing the weirdest things, like when my boys bicker with each other over a toy, or when dog scratches at the door when she's hungry, or the very long annoying process that is my husband brushing his teeth(that is one of his OCD things that he has never parted with-the 20minute teeth brushing routine!!!) drives me nuts, but now I miss it.
    I am so thankful that even though I am far away, I have only gone a couple days without seeing a friendly face. Matt and the boys have come to visit, my parents came, and although they got lost for awhile, they still brought me lunch!   Two of my cousins live here.  One, from my mom's side, is the cousin who was waiting for me at the hospital when I first arrived.  She brings me lunch several times a week and we talk about her wedding planning.  My other cousin, from my dad's side, I rarely get to see anymore.  She is married with two girls, her youngest is the same age as Campbell.  Anyway, it's been nice to have some time to catch up with her, and although we have always differed in personality, she loves Jesus and I have enjoyed listening to how He has been working in her life.  Everyone here at the Ronald McDonald House is so kind and we all know we are blessed to be able to stay here. I know the boys will enjoy being able to come visit now that I am here, where they have play rooms, toys galore, and mommy isn't hooked up to an IV and monitors. All in all not too shabby!
    Still at night, after we have Skyped, the loneliness sets in; it's funny because it is around this time that the babies decide to have a dance party.  Last night I just sat there smiling at my belly because I saw various lumps roll across, up and down.  It's so cool to watch them respond to each other.  I have been able to feel those responses from the inside for quite a while now, but to see it happen is just surreal. I think it's God's way of reminding me that although the struggles are real, He is "working for the good of those who love Him."  I do wish I could be at home piddling in the nursery getting it set up,  helping the time go by with eager anticipation, but staring at a wall is just as good;)  I think I'll see if my mom will bring up the handmade baby blankets a friend made for them, they are precious and have each of their names on them.  I know that each day they remain in utero, reduces NICU time by two days(at least that's what I've been told), and that once they are home we will look back at how short this time was and how blessed we are to be home and healthy, but I am one of the most impatient people that I know! and I'm pretty sure that there are more than 24 hours in each day in Augusta.  Maybe I should also have my mom bring up Campbell's Little Engine that Could book! I could use the positive reinforcement to get me up this mountain I'm climbing!

These are 4D pictures of the boys, sweet baby girl was hiding behind a membrane!