Too Close for Comfort

     Yester-evening(yes, I am aware that is not a word...although it should be) after dinner was served and all babies were fed, I laid Bradlee down on her tummy on top of a boppy.  I then walked into the kitchen to put away the leftovers.  I heard a muffled thud, and didn't think much about it.  Then I heard my mom say to Jack, " are you ok? just try and slide out of the chair."  It was at that moment it registered...the glider Jack was sitting in had flipped backwards...it was at that moment that my adrenaline kicked in and I ran into the living room and lifted the glider off of Bradlee!
    I will try and paint the best picture I can.  Our dining room has now been converted into baby land.  We just laid down all the foam matting the day before, but had yet to put up the gates.  Our living room flows into our "dining" room with a squared arch way.  The glider was in the living room, facing away from the "dining" room,  but was able to rock back into the "archway." Just beyond the archway, in the corner where the two walls come together is the babies play mat.  I had laid Bradlee down, on her belly, to be able to look at the characters on the mat in the "dining" room (she was facing the back of the glider, about 3 feet away). When I got to her, the arch of the top of the glider was lying directly on the back of her neck.    
    I picked her up, she was blue, cold and clamy, with no real color in her face and arms. I yelled that she was blue and my mom called 911.  I held her very still and bobbed and swayed. I started crying and in-between sobs, I just kept gasping "Oh my God!"  It felt like forever, but was probably about a minute before she started crying. It was a cry I had never heard.  I was flooded with fear, the only prayer that would come out of my mouth was "oh my God" and it was a cry out to my Father! Much like a toddler cries out for her daddy in the night. I knew He knew what I needed. Bradley's cry became more subtle and would only increase in strength, pitch and volume if she tried to lift her head from my chest.  As her color returned, the ambulance arrived. Thankfully we have a fire fighter that lives down the street and when he heard our address over his radio, he came to the house to check her out.  The ambulance arrived shortly after.

   Riding in an ambulance once again took me back to when I was 23 weeks pregnant and sent to Augusta via ambulance.  I became angry with myself.  I fought so hard to carry my babies and now 3 days before they turn 5months old....  I had to start speaking God's truth to myself, because the what if's were beginning to consume me.  What if I had been in the bathroom? what if I had been in the shower? what if I had gone outside to get the mail? by the time she would have been noticed...it would have been too late, my sweet baby was suffocating.  My hands are trembling and my tears are flowing as I type.  Just the thought...
    Thankfully our ER doctor is a good customer of Matt's.  He was so kind and got all the necessary scans done in rapid time!  Praise Jesus they all came back clear. But at the hospital Bradlee was inconsolable.  Her cry was back to the pain stricken cry, nothing we did comforted her.  Even her smell changed!  Every time she moved her head she would wince and cry out.  We tried a paci, and feeding her...and all the rock and sway methods.  Four hours in, all head and neck scans clear, and she was still crying.  The doctor wanted to get her an IV with morphine started and send her to Children's Healthcare of Atlanta.  He just didn't like how she was responding.  But first we tried an enema of tylenol.  20 minutes later he ordered one more scan, this time of her clavicle.  By the time we got the scan back, the pain and reduced enough where she wanted to eat!  Since the scans were clear, she had eaten, and she was now asleep on my chest.  I asked if we could try going home before Atlanta, and if she started vomiting, or crying uncontrollably again, or if she wouldn't eat, we would go.  The doctor agreed and we went home.
    Bradlee slept in her rock n play in our room and we all slept hard for three hours when we were awakened, 45 minutes shy of our alarm going off, by our dog throwing up on our carpet!!! I mean when it rains, it pours!
    Bradlee is doing much better today.  I can tell her head and neck are still very tender, but with Tylenol she even played a little!  I took her to our pediatrician this morning just to get "the morning after check" and she was acting much better.
    I am completely humbled!  At times I do think "ok, I got this!" and last night in the ambulance I just kept thinking "this is too hard, how can one person be divided so many ways?  How can I be good enough for six children and my husband? I am not strong enough, I don't have what it takes, I will always fall short! God has given me more than I can handle!" and it was at that moment that the "still small voice" reminded me that He HAS given me more than I can handle...alone.  But with Him, we got this!  He is sufficient, He is good enough, He is strong enough, He has what it takes, and He loves me and He loves my baby girl, and no matter what...He will see me through.  I would love to say at "that moment" everything turned peaches...but that wasn't the case.  I still had the what if's attack me throughout the night and again today, they are debilitating!  But at "that moment" I was able to breathe and I was comforted!
    It is easy to post time lapsed videos to the Oh My Quad Facebook page.  It makes this job seem doable...and honestly, at times it is!  And then there are times when you have all four babies crying at one time, your two older boys are trying to wash up for dinner and tell you about their day(as they fling water all over because they talk with their hands!), one dog is barking to be let in while the other dog is clawing at his food bowl, and the hubs is calling my phone(most likely to tell me he is running late) and I am trying to cook dinner!! Those are the times when I feel so divided and trying to hurry and get  all tasks accomplished just makes me run further behind...I spill the dog food or I drop Campbell's milk!  I throw ten balls in the air and miss catching all of them!!!   Those are the moments I want to crawl under my covers, eat ice cream, and watch Lifetime movies!  So to all those who have so kindly said I am a "rockstar," I thank you and then call you, silly! Please don't put me on a high horse...cause it sure hurts a lot more when I fall!  I graciously accept and ask for your prayers for our family, and am so thankful for the love and support we have received.

    Happy 5months to my four little monsters! You keep me on my toes...and on my knees!