my stretch mark road map to healthy!

            Am I insecure?  What a loaded question!  I would not say I am insecure; however, I would say that I struggle with insecurities!  Thankfully I have accepted the truth that no one is perfect!!!  That job was for Jesus and he nailed(no pun intended)!  I know that the choices I make have consequences; therefore, I try and use my best judgement on the matter.  Do I doubt myself? Sometimes!  Do I always make the right decision? NOOO! I'm human...not robot!   All that to say, I truly hope I do not offend anyone on the topic of exercise and health.  We each have our own journey and I am not about to tell someone "what they should do;" however, I love seeing what others do and then make modifications that fit my life!  Inspiration is not a how-to guide...it is a jumping off point for your creativity!
        There is an amazing woman in our town that is a personal trainer!  She helps woman every day on their quest to being the healthiest they can be...and she does it all to the glory of God!  Although I have never personally worked out with her(I got 4 babies= lack of time and lack of $), I love seeing her post on FB and the stories her clients share about their transformation.  She posted recently that we were made not to just survive...but to THRIVE!(a great song, by the way ;) ).  And it's so true!  The past few months I have felt so unsettled...like I was floating.  This is the first time I have had six kids...I take it day by day, and just when I think I have a routine down, one of them changes it all up and stays awake all night and then sleeps all day (MEYERS...little stinker)!  I was trying to get acclimated back at work ( a few hours a day, a few days a week)and I just felt unsettled without some sort of routine!  The big boys started back to school this week and I decided this was my chance!  I was craving some structure(and by structure I mean the kind of structure that isn't too structured and allows me to not set myself up for failure!).  I knew this was the right time (for me) to undergo my ''operation healthy"(quote from another hometown inspiration).
         I want to be healthy again and get my active body back.  Not because "I feel pressured by society" to, but because I feel at my best!  I want to be at my best for Christ, my family, myself, and anyone who struggles with the fear that "they can't do it." I am not a model...you will not see me posting pics of me in a bikini running behind a stroller! (I would like to note, I was not offended by that picture, nor did I feel pressure to look like her. I give her props for being active with her child, no matter what clothing(or lack there of) she chose to wear).  My goal is to be compete in a triathlon by the time I'm 33!  That's three years!  In the meantime I would like to run in the Disney princess half marathon, not this year, but next!  I wish I could snap my fingers and be able to run for miles again...but I can't!  I have to work at it!  I have to take my exercise one day at a time!  I tried running 3miles about a month and a half ago and the jiggle from my extra belly skin discouraged me, and the fact that by the time I made it to the end of my driveway I was already huffing and puffing(and no, I do not have a long driveway!).  I was thinking too far in advance(for me, at that time).  I needed to get back to eating healthy and then get my muscles active again.  I was on bedrest for 10 weeks!!!!  I remember being exhausted walking back and forth to the NICU!  My body had been through it's own little war!!!  I remember feeling so discouraged about my lack of physical strength because I had been in the best shape of my life before I got pregnant.  But I prayed through those feelings of insecurity and God reminded me to "come just as I [am]." He offers the same peace no matter what I look or feel like!
       My next topic of discouragement or insecurity was my stretch marks!  Do they represent four little miracles and the amazement of what my body went through? Yes! are they beautiful because of that? YES! Do I wish I could take a picture to keep instead of having them on my body?  a truthful...yes.  Again, I do not intend to offend anyone, this is my personal journey and my personal struggle, and I share it to let others know who have these feelings that they are not alone!  The struggle is real and an often lonely one.  
     A few years ago I was in a bible study that challenged us ladies to go home and look at ourselves (as stripped down as we were comfortable with), in the mirror, from head to toe, and say out loud what we loved about our features. The object was to get us to see the beauty in ourselves that God sees in us.   I will never forget that exercise and still do it to this day when I feel insecure about my looks.  I now see my stretch marks as a road map to my healthy body!  There are twists and turns, smooth and rough surfaces, deep and wide and shallow and narrow pathways, all to remind me of what I have endured and to remind me that I don't have to lean on my own strength(because it's not sufficient) to get back to healthy! I know the road back is not going to be easy, I know I will have days where I want to nothing, but I also know that I was made to THRIVE and I want to set a healthy lifestyle example for my kiddos!

The pictures below are hard for me to post, but I have promised from the beginning I would be honest, and I am honestly proud of each and every one of these stretch marks and what they represent. They contribute to my body being perfectly imperfect!

with babies still in utero

4 months pp

if only pictures could let you feel the texture