Fit Me For a Straight Jacket!

     For those of you who are reading my blog for the first time...welcome! and you may want to start from the beginning, because without the back story you may find me all sorts of crazy!  But if you choose not to do so please take note of a few things... First and foremost, I am a believer! Second, I am not a writer, so do not be surprised by grammatical errors and spelling mistakes! (my mom was an English teacher, so I'm sure she cringes a bit every time she reads a post ;) ).  Third, having quads is no joke! to date, it is the hardest thing I have ever done! Fourth, I am honest...sometimes a bit more than some can handle. I just no longer see the point in dancing around the truth...and no longer have the luxury of time to do so.  If you like things sugar coated, this may not be the blog for you!

  The babes are now three months old!  This time has gone both incredibly fast and painfully slow at the same time!  On the one hand, I can't believe they are three months old, they are getting bigger each day, staying awake longer(which is fun and exhausting), eating more(also exhausting), sleeping longer at night(hallelujah!!!), starting to focus on my face when I talk to them and every now and then they crack a smile(heart melting and comforting, because for the first two and a half months Bradlee just looked mad all the time)!  On the other hand, I can't believe they are only three months old!!! It's definitely not because they look bigger (they just now are filling out their new born size clothes), I think the main reason is because the days in the NICU seem like an eternity ago! Looking back on the pictures from their first week...blows my mind on how much they have accomplished!  Each baby whether it be a singleton, a multiple, or a grand multiple, is a miracle! The fact that I have four babies that were formed in my womb perfectly, born at 31 weeks and 1 day,  and are now out in the world with no health issues, and are thriving...I fall to my knees in praise.  Why God chose Matt and I to parent these babies, I don't know?... I am extremely impatient, I like my sleep, I like a well thought out and executed plan, and I hate being in the house all day long! Sometimes I will be holding a baby and will think...man, I could be such a great mom to one!  I feel like I can't hold, kiss, smile at, play with, etc. in a fair distribution between four babies. I have yet to find a way to comfort all four while they are crying.  The internet is a buzz with the "don't let your baby cry it out" method...ok, how do I do that with four?!!  If any of these "experts" can hold/rock and comfort 4 babies at one time, I ask that they release a video on how to do so...cause this quad mama is now octopus! My arms arm limited to the standard two! Four individual babies with four individual personalities !
    Ashton aka Big Man, is our most demanding baby and he just wants to be held...he thinks he's an only child.  He now has mastered the lower lip quiver that will break your heart! He could be in the deepest sleep in his bed and I will go to pick up another baby that I haven't got to hold much that day...and he knows! He will start the quiver...followed by the "my world is ending" cry.  How can it be that he is only 3 months old and already charming???

Ashton

    Bradlee Ann is something else...I see now why God only gave us one girl!  Everything is different with a girl.  From the womb she has been a fighter!  She was the first to accomplish milestones in the NICU, and now at home!

Bradlee

She is one feisty Little Bit! She loves her morning snuggle time with biggest brother Campbell.  I love how they already have a bond.  She is just as content being held as she is to be lying with one of her brothers.  I love her HUGE eyes, she has the craziest faces in many of the pictures I take.  She is the best sleeper out of the four, but man she screams like a banshee when she needs something!  I am talking piercing your ear drum screams...not overly loud...just high pitched!  She is just now starting to smile(few and far between) but when she does, she lights up!  It is so beautiful to see, because most of the time she looks mad or confused!
   Walker is such a sweet baby.  I don't know how else to describe it, he is just easy to fall in love with.  He flew under the radar at the NICU, just kept progressing at a slow steady rate, which is opposite from in the womb where he occupied my whole left side by himself and he photo bombed everyone else in their ultra sound photos, with one of his body parts.

Walker

He always made himself known! Now, he just hangs back and observes! I call him my Popeye because when he smiles, he draws up the left side of his mouth all the way to his eye.  He has a sweet little grin too, but his "big smile" is my favorite!  He is also our "spit-er" he and Ashton struggle with reflux.  Ashton's is more of a painful reflux, where the regurgitation comes back up, but not out! So he turns bright red, his eyes water, he chokes and screams, arches his back and tries to catch his breath!(all I can do is hold him up right and try to comfort him until it passes).  Walker's reflux doesn't seem to hurt him at all, he just spits all day long- from the dribble out of the mouth to the projectile "how are you spitting so much back up, when you weren't fed that much!" amount of spit up. Both are on reflux medicine and hopefully this stage passes quickly! Walker goes through at least 4 outfits a day...and yes we use bibs...and yes he drenches those! Visitors beware...you will need to bring an extra shirt!
   Meyers, still known as baby D, amazes me.  For the longest time, we didn't think he would develop into a baby(his heartbeat wasn't detected until two ultra sound visits(2 weeks) after the other three's were heard). He was the one who got sick for three days in the NICU,

Meyers

he was also on his c-pap the longest...and now...he is our chill baby who was the first to roll over!  He only gets upset when his tummy hurts, other than that, he just likes to look around and take it all in.  I love when I go to his bed in the morning and he is just lying their wide awake and smiling!  It is the best way to start my day!
   I love watching these babies grow!  I love that they are awake more!(even though it is exhausting for mommy). I love getting to re-discover the world through their innocent eyes.   I am in awe with God's design.  People often ask "how are you doing...really?" or "now tell me honestly, how are you?"  honestly?  honestly.... I am tired!  I have good days and bad days.  I have moments where I feel "I totally 'got this'" and moments where I feel "how in the world will I survive?"  I cry! I laugh! I get frustrated! and I have moments of peace.  I have all the emotions any mom has with one baby, just multiplied by four.  The struggles are real...but so are the joys!  We have stayed busy for two reasons, one, I have a six year old and a four year old who love to do stuff with their mommy! I love exploring with them and sharing their adventures.  Campbell and Jack have done so well adapting to our new family dynamic and I don't want them to not be able to experience what they would have experienced if we had only had one baby.  Now, of course there are times when they do have to take the back seat...unfortunately, that is our reality!  There are times when all they want to do is go with me to the pool, but with the heat, taking four babies down to the pool, just can't happen.  I wish I could make life fair...and as often as I can, I do...but life is not fair. So instead I am trying to teach my children how to handle their emotions and feelings when life isn't fair.
  Reason two: if I stay in my house all day every day... fit me for a straight jacket!  I am and always have been active! being on bed rest in a single room, by myself for 8 weeks was all I could handle...and through God's grace and mercy alone, was I able to do so!! Family, friends, chocolate and Swedish Fish of course, made it easier; however, all the earthy forces could not calm my heart and fears like the Almighty!
    How are we able to get out and do things?  I have help!!! I have an amazing babysitter/angel sent from heaven that is with me Mon-Thurs 8:30am-4:30pm. For the past three weeks we have had an amazing young lady help us for 5 hrs at night Mon-Wed(greatly helping Matt get some sleep so he is not a complete zombie at work).  Our nightly help ends next month, but the babies are now doing two five hour stretches. They sleep after their 10pm feeding until 3am, and then from 3am until 8am! So I know God has orchestrated how Matt and I will survive once she is gone!  I cannot do this alone!  are there parts of the day when I do? yes!  Is it challenging? yes! always? No!  My mom helps me on Friday and  really whenever I throw up the white flag in surrender!  I have even made it into work at least once a week(however I usually take two babies with me).  When we go places, we are typically meeting friends there and the babies...for the most part, sleep in their strollers until time to eat.  When they do eat, it's all hands on deck! and then it's back to the adventure.  Is it easy? no.  Is it worth it?  I think so!  I am exhausted, but I am also loving every minute of it! I may learn as I go, and question myself...but God knows what he is doing...I am know the truth that I can take Him at His word! He chose me for this role...it humbles me daily but it also brings me more joy than I could have ever imagined!

  As I write I am home alone with the babies.  The three boys are awake and fussing(feeding time is in 20 min) and I have to stop to keep putting the paci back in.  I have been typing with one hand to hold and comfort ...you guessed it... the BIG man. This is my new normal, hard, tiring, crazy, fun, joyful, loving new normal!  all I can say is OH MY QUAD!