I Can Do Three!

The weeks that followed were filled with doctor's appointments and more fear.  Every time I went in for a scan, the heat would rise up my throat, fill my cheeks, and burn my already ringing ears.  As the ultra sound began, so did the shaking.  Flashes of the one I lost burned in my memory.  Recalling seeing the baby on the screen, but this time without a heartbeat, brought tears to my eyes.  Thankfully I was jolted out of my memory with Doctor McPherson's encouraging tone "all four sacs are developing and the yolk sacs look great as well.  How are you doing with all this?"
Through a smile, I wished was genuine, I replied I was doing ok and was just feeling overwhelmed.  She smiled and nodded to suggest she understood.  I asked what I could expect with a quad pregnancy and she said she didn't know, and that I should find a good book on what to expect with "super twins" (anything higher than two).   As you can imagine I needed wisdom, understanding...or even a hug and instead received a book recommendation...

The ulra sounds to follow went about the same.  It wasn't until my week 7 appointment that I got a curve ball.  I saw another doctor in the practice and she was able to see three developing babies, and hear two heartbeats.  Baby D however, was a no show.  From what she could tell, baby D would not develop further than a yolk sac, but the triplets looked promising.  By this appointment I had expected bad news for so long, that I was not at all surprised when I received it.  In fact, I had a feeling of relief...it made more sense to have three, more support was out there for three, we wouldn't have to sell our van, we could make triplets work...I could do three!!

The five days to follow before my week 8 appointment were lighter...physically and emotionally I just felt lighter!  After all, I could do three. It wasn't until two days before my appointment that God spoke to me(I am almost positive He had been speaking before, but now was when I listened).  I had started to feel sad over the loss of baby D.  God spoke to my heart and said "beloved, why would I give you something that YOU can do without ME? You may only be able to do three, but WE can do four!" It was as if the words were spoken and not just into my heart.  My guarded heart melted like an M&M does in your mouth.  I cried, and then prayed!